i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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