I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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