even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
