Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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