is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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