Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
