so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
