There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he shaved USA in his pubs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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