If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
