i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
