Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The air was thick with penises
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
