So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
