I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my poor anus
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
