I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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