Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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