Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
