I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
