U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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