I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
