I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
