Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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