That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
