apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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