Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
