we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
