I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
