final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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