my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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