we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
