I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
