goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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