The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
