I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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