everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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