Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize