So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
