My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
