I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
