i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
