just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
