We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
