areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
