I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
