I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
