I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
