the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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