I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
