There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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