at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize