I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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