It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
