Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize