I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
