Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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