***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
