I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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