That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
