Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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