Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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