please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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