please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
