You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
