There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
