I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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