well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
