If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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