Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Less talking, more tequila
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
