singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
