you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
