i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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