Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
