Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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