I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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