so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
tell me about the eggs
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