Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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