I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
