have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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