508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
