can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
