I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We left the knife in your bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
