I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
