I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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