This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize