Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
