At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
smell my finger.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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