You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
