I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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