Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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