Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
