I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
