OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
