no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
