He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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