that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize